Talking with Your Young Person About Dyspraxia: Gentle Conversations and Respectful Support

This resource was created to support parents and carers attending the workshop “Moving with Purpose: Understanding Dyspraxia and the Body–Mind Connection.”

You might be wondering when to talk to your young person about dyspraxia. Or how. You might be worried about saying too much, saying the wrong thing, or planting an idea that feels heavy or limiting. Many parents and carers in the workshop shared these same worries.

Dyspraxia is often misunderstood because so much of it is invisible. To an observer, it can look like someone who is slow, hesitant, avoidant, or a lacking effort. But to the dyspraxic person, it often feels like knowing exactly what you want to do and not being able to make your body do it smoothly or on time.

This gap between intention and action is where shame and frustration can grow for your young person.

What’s important for your young person to know is that dyspraxia is not about intelligence, motivation, or just “trying harder”. Dyspraxia is about how the brain plans, sequences, and organises their movement and action. That includes visible movement like running or handwriting. And then also less visible forms of movement like starting tasks, organising time, transitioning between activities, or getting words out smoothly.

Many dyspraxic pre-teens and teens are using a huge amount of conscious effort just to get through everyday tasks. And that effort is largely invisible to others and pressure (which increases stress) often makes completing tasks even harder. Rushing, being watched, ongoing corrections, being timed or being compared to others often makes their skills become less accessible rather than improve. And, as you can imagine, this may look confusing to others and feels particularly humiliating to them. 

Image from Canva by DESIGNERD from Pexels

You may also be interested in my other blogs like “Advocacy Language for Parents: Talking to Professionals About Dyspraxia“, “What is Diagnostic Overshadowing and Why Does it Matter” and “Received a New Medical Diagnosis? A Beginning List of Questions to Ask Your Care Provider”

Explaining dyspraxia in a way that protects their self-worth

When you explain dyspraxia, the aim is not to define limits or predict the future. We try to give your young person an explanation that keeps their sense of self safe. Something neutral.

You might start with something like:

You might gently add in:

Another potentially helpful line could be:

Language to avoid

Some wording can make difficulty feel like part of who your young person is, or like it will never change. For example:

• ❌ “Your brain doesn’t work properly”
• ❌ “You struggle more than other kids”
• ❌ “You’ll always find this hard”
• ❌ Over-focusing on deficits
• ❌ Letting adult anxiety leak through

Why support often looks different

Support for dyspraxic young people is about shaping the environment so their effort can go further.

A helpful guiding question is: “What would make this easier?”

For example:

• privacy to practise
• time to watch first and try later
• tools already available
• visuals or materials already set up
• the first step already done (paper open, shoes loosened)
• more than one way to do the same task
• permission to stop and return later, breaks

Many young people feel safer when they’re not being watched. Therefore, they may find it helpful to first have privacy to practise a task and/or time to observe before trying. (make more complete)

What we say while they are doing something can matter just as much as the task itself. Praise can sometimes highlight difference in ways that feel uncomfortable at this age. In addition, language like “just try” or “give it a go” can still feel like pressure. Many young people relax when they hear things like, “You can use this if it helps,” or “We can leave it for now.”

Another powerful shift is learning to externalise the difficulty. Rather than focusing on what they find hard, you can name what the task is asking like “This needs a lot of planning,” or “This asks your body to do several things at once.”

When the problem belongs to the task, it feels less personal. 

Starting a task is often harder than finishing. Gentle support might look like having materials already out, the first step already done, or simply being nearby without instruction. Calm co-presence can be more regulating than any verbal guidance.

Building agency, not pressure

One of the most protective things you can do is invite your young person’s expertise. Ask what they notice. What helps, even a little. What makes things worse or a task harder to perform.

You might ask:

“What do you notice?”
“Does anything help, even a little?”
“What makes this harder?”

When it comes to reassurance, honesty matters more than optimism. Rather than promising that everything will get easier, you might say:

Final Reflection

Talking about dyspraxia with your young person doesn’t have to be one big conversation. It can be something you return to gently, over time. What matters most is that the communication your young person hears is one of understanding.

Thank you for being here,

Laura Hellfeld

RN, MSN, PHN, CNL

Connect with me on social media

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Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed healthcare provider for personalised support and care tailored to your specific needs.

Signposting and Resources

• Creating Safe Spaces for Autistic People
• Gabby’s Glimmers: An Affirming Story of an Autistic Child and their Favourite Food
• Advocacy Language for Parents: Talking to Professionals About Dyspraxia, Blog
• When the Doctor Says “Let’s Wait and See…”, Blog
• What is Diagnostic Overshadowing and Why Does it Matter, Blog
• Received a New Medical Diagnosis? A Beginning List of Questions to Ask Your Care Provider, Blog
• Is Your Young Person Starting a New Medication? A List of Question to Ask Your Care Provider, Blog