This article and handout were created to support the webinar ‘Speaking Up at School: Communication with Education Staff’
Most parents go into school meetings hoping to be heard, to work together, and to find solutions that help their young person.
So when the answer from staff is “No,” it can leave you feeling disappointed or unsure what to say next.
The good news is that “no” doesn’t have to be the end of the conversation.
One way forward to keep the conversation going and for clarity is to ask some follow up questions.
These questions help you:
- understand how the decision was reached
- encourage transparency
- create a clear record of what has been discussed
- identify the next steps if you disagree.
Image from Canva by berkay08
You might also be interested in my other blogs such as ‘Eating & Feeding Information Gathering Journal For Parents, Carers & Families’, ‘The Pupils We Miss: Quiet Sensory Distress in the Classroom’, and ‘Levelling Behaviour: When Students Try to Even the Playing Field
Practical prompts
Instead of trying to persuade in the moment, try asking:
- Could you help me understand the reasons for that decision?
- Could that decision be confirmed in writing?
- What evidence or information informed that decision?
- What would need to change for this to be reconsidered?
- What is the next step if we can’t reach agreement?
- Who else should I speak with about this?
- Could we review this after trying some adjustments?
These questions invite the school staff to explain their thinking rather than simply repeating their position.
Why ask for decisions in writing?
A written record benefits everyone.
It reduces misunderstandings, gives you time to process the information, and provides something you can refer back to if the situation continues. It also encourages clarity about what has been agreed or not agreed.
Keep the conversation moving
Sometimes a decision really can’t change immediately. That doesn’t mean the discussion is over.
Asking what would need to change, when the issue could be reviewed, or who else you can speak to helps keep the focus on problem-solving rather than becoming stuck.
Free download: I’ve included a one-page prompt sheet that you can save on your phone or print and take to school meetings.
Thank you for being here,
Laura Hellfeld
RN, MSN, PHN, CNL
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Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult a licensed healthcare provider for personalised support and care tailored to your specific needs.
Signposting and Resources
- Flush Forward!: A Friendly Toileting Guide for Parents Supporting Disabled and Neurodivergent Young People
- Creating Safe Spaces for Autistic People
- Gabby’s Glimmers: An Affirming Story of an Autistic Child and their Favourite Food
- Eating & Feeding Information Gathering Journal For Parents, Blog with download
- Carers & Families’, ‘The Pupils We Miss: Quiet Sensory Distress in the Classroom, Blog
- Levelling Behaviour: When Students Try to Even the Playing Field, Blog
Last modified: 19 June 2026